Computer Science Personal Statement Review

  • Initial Personal StatementComputer Science Personal Statement Review
  • Reviewed Personal StatementComputer Science Personal Statement Review
”Frankly speaking, this computer science personal statement could be greatly improved.
First of all, there are several grammar mistakes that should have been fixed during the final proof. In addition, there are many areas with vague meanings, and the applicant could reword them better. Another thing that I have picked up on is the fact that the author does not depict the passion about the field itself. It might sound harsh at first, but the fact that the field is briefly mentioned, and the person writing it goes into no detail whatsoever gives the reader no choice but to assume that the writer is simply winging it. Another thing that drew my attention while writing this computer science personal statement review is the fact that he brought mathematics into discussion. Skipping over the fact that he got the term wrong, indeed math is an important asset in computer science, however economics are not, and the fact that economics uses math too, formulas such as “Demand Function”, “Income Elasticity” and “The Herfindahl-Hirschman Index”, which are basic economical formulas, have no place in computer science.

Here Are the Things That Need Improving:

  • Grammar
  • Language
  • Proper use of nouns
  • Proper use of verbs
  • Sentence structure
  • Proper use of adjective
  • Logic
  • Humor
  • The way in which the person talks about your hobbies / personal life
  • The way in which the person talks about the course that he is undertaking

In my opinion, it would be better to start this computer science personal statement from scratch. More things keep piling up like lumber for a forest fire, and everything culminates with the person’s personal life. Indeed there were a lot of other things that could be written here, and a lot of relevant information to be given as well as some experience one way or the other, but the fact remains that this section proves to the reader that the person in question is nothing more than a simple employee in the provisions / chilled section of a supermarket with no actual prospects in the computer science field whatsoever, leaving us to believe that he belongs in various other fields which are more suited for his level of experience and the education that he has received.”

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