Computer Science Personal Statement Review

  • Initial Personal StatementComputer Science Personal Statement Review
  • Reviewed Personal StatementComputer Science Personal Statement Review
”Frankly speaking, this computer science personal statement could be greatly improved.
First of all, there are several grammar mistakes that should have been fixed during the final proof. In addition, there are many areas with vague meanings, and the applicant could reword them better. Another thing that I have picked up on is the fact that the author does not depict the passion about the field itself. It might sound harsh at first, but the fact that the field is briefly mentioned, and the person writing it goes into no detail whatsoever gives the reader no choice but to assume that the writer is simply winging it. Another thing that drew my attention while writing this computer science personal statement review is the fact that he brought mathematics into discussion. Skipping over the fact that he got the term wrong, indeed math is an important asset in computer science, however economics are not, and the fact that economics uses math too, formulas such as “Demand Function”, “Income Elasticity” and “The Herfindahl-Hirschman Index”, which are basic economical formulas, have no place in computer science. In my opinion, it would be better to start this computer science personal statement from scratch. More things keep piling up like lumber for a forest fire, and everything culminates with the person’s personal life. Indeed there were a lot of other things that could be written here, and a lot of relevant information to be given as well as some experience one way or the other, but the fact remains that this section proves to the reader that the person in question is nothing more than a simple employee in the provisions / chilled section of a supermarket with no actual prospects in the computer science field whatsoever, leaving us to believe that he belongs in various other fields which are more suited for his level of experience and the education that he has received.”

Here Are the Things That Need Improving:

  • Grammar. This computer science personal statement has several flaws when it comes to grammar, spelling, punctuation, and sentence/paragraph organization.
  • Language. The writer needs to make sure that the language used on this personal statement corresponds to the field of computer science. For example, “Demand Function”, “Income Elasticity” and “The Herfindahl-Hirschman Index” are economic terminologies and totally unrelated to computer science.
  • Proper use of nouns. This is one important part of English grammar that the writer should look closely into. There are general nouns that should not be written in capital form like ‘computers’.
  • Proper use of verbsVerbs should express action on this personal statement. The tenses of the verb should also be improved. Subject-verb-agreement should also be examined closely and improved in many ways.
  • Sentence structure. The sentence structure refers to how sentences are constructed within each paragraph. Each sentence should be related to one another. This personal statement shows the sentence and paragraph structure poorly. The transition of each paragraph should also be worked on.
  • Proper use of adjectives. We use proper adjectives to best describe your experiences and academic achievements that led the writer to submit this personal statement computer science. In this document, some adjectives are placed poorly in sentences.
  • LogicTo arrange the logic of this document, the writer can work on stating the reason why he wants to be a computer science student and how his interests drive him to pursue this career.
  • Humor. Inserting humor on a personal statement for computer science should be witty, proper, related, and acceptable.
  • Your hobbies / personal lifeIt is fine to insert hobbies and personal life but it should be very minimal since this is a formal document. It would be better to just mention the hobbies like football, seeing a movie, swimming and tinkering with technology.  
  • The chosen course. The writer should focus on his reason in choosing this course and not on the small and less important details like hobbies and past times.

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